What I know for sure Wednesday....

...that this will be the hardest post I have ever written.

It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this post.

First some house cleaning -
Congratulations to Pamela Green!!  She was the winner of the Finger Paints Super Sunday Sweepstakes!! 

Okay, now for the hard part...please know that this decision that I have made was one that I was in hopes would be one that would not need to be made.

I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  Close your mouths and get your chin up off your keyboard!  It's not a death sentence, but a Immune Deficiency Disorder.  I will live a very long and prosperous life to buy np till they put me 6 feet under!! 

This is not a new revelation for me - I was diagnosed 5 years ago.  I am medically retired from the federal government.  I cannot drive over 10 miles due to double vision and headaches (thank goodness all my np dusties are within that 10 mile range!!)  I take more pills than the average medicine cabinet can hold.  I take pills to wake up, I take pills to go to sleep, I take pills for pain, I take pills for spasms, I take pills for fatigue, I take pills for stress, I take pills for...well you get the idea - oh, and lets not forget my monthly visits to the hospital that requires an IV Infusion!!  I walk with a cane and have on occasion been restricted to a wheelchair, but for the most part I do walk unassited, albeit slow.  No WONDER I'm into nail polish - it's cheaper than booze!! ...and it lasts longer too!! *if you have any Kleancolor - it get's you high too!!*

Why am I telling you all this now?  Well, this summer has been very, very challenging for me.  Heat is a major stressor of symptoms for people with MS.  The heat wave that we experienced this summer taught me one thing - IT WAS HOT AS HELL AND I WAS MISERABLE!!  That being said - my body has been in a constant flare or exaserbation mode (when your body becomes symptomatic and revolts on you!!) for the last couple of months.  Yes, I stay in air conditioning so all things considered I am as comfortable as one can be - but moving around and going outside has been non existent for me except for doctor appoints, of which I go to at least twice a month - for poking, proding, basting and turning, pulling, tugging and testing..yuk!!  But it is a life I have become accustomed to and one that I think I have adjusted to, not settled, but adjusted. 

What I know for sure...as much as I enjoyed being a blogger for the short time that I was welcomed onto your computer screen, and for all the friendships that I have formed through e-mails, cards and personal phone calls, my symptoms have progressed to the point that I can no longer continue to be of service to my customer base without sacrificing my health.

My MS is like a box of chocolates, I never know what I'm going to get from day to day.  I say my MS stands for Mysterious Symptoms!! There are days my legs don't want to cooperate, there are days my arms don't want to cooperate, there are days I have double vision and can't tell if I have one bottle of np or two in front of me (those days are rather comical) *maybe I really DON'T have two helmerz full of np* and there are days I have headaches to the point I can't lift my head. There are even days where the entire left side of my body is paralyzed - thank GOD I'm a righty!! All that being said - you can imagen how difficult swatching has become for me.  It was taking me almost 2-3 hours to do swatching of one color.  Imagine the days I would have double vision and wonky arms - between trying to paint on my fingertips and not my fingers and taking pictures of my hands and not my feet were rather frustrating and hillarious!!  I didn't know wether I should laugh or cry!  Holding the camera was no fun either - not because I couldn't focus, but I couldn't see!! I was afraid of dropping the camera, when my arms were weak, and we all know how husbands can be about their shiny toys and gadgets!! :-)

I have enjoyed my few months here in the blogesphere and will always cherish the friendships I have made through np.  I guess just like any addictive disorder, we all hold dear to the friendships that are made while going through therapy!! *thank goodness for MUA* I don't like my physical therapy that I have to endure for my MS, but np therapy is one form of rehab I don't mind staying a member of for life.

I thought changing my schedule and postings would allow me to continue to at least be participative.  I cannot.  *why didnt my body come to this revelation BEFORE I showed myself full monty with a nekkid face - ARRRG*  I was really trying to stay active and engaged with you all - but I had to come to the realization that the swatching, picture taking, uploading and posting was just too much for me and I was taking too long to bounce back from a flare up *symptoms that occur due to over stressing your body or your mind*  My flare ups were heat induced.  I was in no way shape, form or fashion stressing out because I was blogging - but because of my symptoms and trying to maintain a schedule of posting regularly.

So, instead of being of disservice, I bow out gracefully, okay - more like awkwardly, but never the less, I bow out.

So, to my fellow bloggers, to whom I know the challenges of which you deal with, can definitely understand how difficult this has been for me and to my fellow constituents,...I digress, fellow followers I say THANK YOU!!  THANK YOU!!  THANK YOU!!  This has been one hell of a run (okay, slow walk) for me and I have enjoyed every step of it.

I will continue to buy np like a mad woman.  I will continue to take my biotin (amongst the many other daily pills I have to take).  I will continue to buy dupes because I'm buying so fast I forget that I already had that color (no, I do not have a spreadsheet - that's just too much like work).  I will continue to be on MUA nail board being a silly person because it makes me take my mind off the pain.  I will continue to correspond with those of you who correspond with me.  I will continue to always think of you and be grateful of the time we had together - it was truly rewarding for me to know that even for a few months - I was able to be of service.

So, what I know for sure - and everything I need to know about life, I learned from my little bottles of polish...
NP doesn't care if you don't talk to it today
NP doesn't get upset when you put on an Essie instead of a China Glaze
NP doesn't care if you don't have on the right 'underwear' to hide VNL
NP doesn't care if you have to move it from the drawer it was in for the last two months, because you have more polish you need to put in that drawer
NP doesn't care if you move 5 more blues or reds in
NP has no respect of person - it looks good on everybody!!
NP does not have a status to uphold whether it be a .99 Wet 'n' Wild or a bottle Clarins 230 selling for $300 on ebay
NP is well, NP - at the end of the day all that matters is...
do YOU like your little (or large) stash?
are YOU happy with the choices you've made?
are YOU not sacrificing anything to fulfill a lemming?
are YOU being true to yourself or trying to keep up with others?
are YOU willing to play it forward and go that extra step to fulfill a lemming for someone else?
can YOU afford your little (ok large) habit?
does it truly make YOU happy?

So, when you see apaige2u on MUA give me a wave, o/* or a high five *\o.  I will always have my gmail so you can always drop me a line or two there as well.

So, for the last time I write...

...that does it for me today!!

Until next time - Happy Polishing!!

and remember NOW IS NOT FOREVER!!

Le Vernis Chocolat!!

For more information on Multiple Sclerosis

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/

*sniff*  *sniff*

*wipes tears off key board*

THANK YOU!!  THANK YOU!!  THANK  YOU!!